the return of ganon and turkeys that injoy the can
by linkfan1 triforce of courage
Summary: this is a humor story and if u like turkeys doin' the can can then read this!! pg to be safe i used the word crap...oh i recomend dekustar and silverstar! read my storie!!


THE RETURN OF GANON  
PROLOGUE   
This story begins with our hero taking a vacation after his defeat of Ganon. This happens after ocarina of time (link did NOT turn into a child again, or this will make no sense at all.) and before Majora's mask. Also, I do not own Nintendo, the legend of Zelda, but I do own the character Krystal (myself) and I do own this story, and my friends that helped write this own themselves. Any usage of these contents without my permission will be severely punished to the full extent of the law. Now enjoy my story! (This includes some mushy stuff, but only with mild humor). And if you don't like humor and sarcasm, then don't read this story, because it is based on both.   
One day, while Link was taking a walk, he heard a huge explosion. " A ha ha! I have broken free!" said a mysteriously deep and familiar voice. Link was an adult of 18 right now, today. May 3rd was his birthday.   
Suddenly Link said, "I know you! You're Gannon!" Link said. "So Link, you remember me. It has been many years since you shamed me with defeat. But that is in the past now. Once again I will conquer Hyrule!" The people of Hyrule ran for their lives, as the courtyard and the town were enveloped in an explosion of pure evil. BA BOOM! Then he trapped the sages in a prism and vanished, taking princess Zelda with him.   
Link woke up in Kokiri hoping that it was all a bad dream. He looked around his house and everything was in precise order. "Phew, it was just a bad dream." Link had been having nightmares about Gannondorf returning and destroying Hyrule before, but none as real and vivid as this. It reminded him about the prophecies he and princess Zelda shared telepathically all those many years ago.   
As soon as he stepped out of his doorway, he knew his dream had taken form, and that Gannon would breaking out of the realm of evil any second now. There were signs of the barrier weakening everywhere. Ingo was starting to act strange. The guard working the night shift was gone, and the ghost shop returned. Link played the song on his ocarina to summon Epona, his mare, so he could get to the market in front of the castle quicker. As soon as he got there, he heard a familiar voice, and an earsplitting noise welcomed him.   
"Oh no, why do I always have to save Zelda and Hyrule? Even Mario and Luigi don't have to rescue Princess Peach and the Mushroom Kingdom this often. I guess the adventure begins again," he said. Then, Link said as he did in his dream, "I know you! You're Gannon!" Link said. "And this is starting to get a little creepy because, for one, THIS HAPPENED IN MY DREAMS! IT ISN'T SUPPOSED TO REALLY HAPPEN!"   
"And for another reason, ZELDA IS ON A TRIP, AND SO I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! I AM GOING TO KILL THAT GIRL FOR GETTING ME WRAPPED UP IN THIS CRUD!" then Gannon said, " so you remember…" but then Link cut him off by saying, " I'VE ALREADY HEARD THIS CRUD! I EVEN KNOW WHAT YOURE GONNA SAY! You're going to say, so Link, you remember me. It has been many years since you shamed me with defeat. But once again, I will conquer Hyrule! There. So Say it", he said. And Gannon said, "well, I guess since you've already said my copyrighted catchphrase, I'll just destroy Hyrule right now. You saved me a lot of talking. I am going to conquer Hyrule now. Ha ha! Then, again, the people of Hyrule ran for their lives, again, as an explosion of pure evil enveloped the people of Hyrule, again. This is going to get a little long, don't ya think? But anyways, back to the story. Link was starting to get a little confused. These things always did. Plus, it didn't help that a bunch of turkeys were trying to do the can-can in a circle around him. Link shooed them off and a couple of them left their mark on Ganon. This was the perfect time for link to attack. He slashed at Ganon with his sword and he hit him. "Auhhhh! I'll get you Link, hero of time! And all those crummy sages and Zelda, too! So watch your back! And I gotta go home and get this bird crud off me." So Link went to the castle and told them that Ganon was delayed, at least for a little while. And then he told Zelda about the turkeys. She fell over laughing. She laughed so hard that she couldn't breath. Then, after 30 or so minutes, she let up. "Jeez, Zelda, I didn't know it was that funny" Link said. " It wasn't, at least not 'till the image in my mind became realistic, then completely insane." Then they both thought for a minute, then the both burst into laughter. " Quit that Zelda! Link said between laughs. You know laughing is contagious!" but this only made her laugh harder. Then Link finally stopped laughing and helped Zelda to her feet. " Is it true, the part about the turkeys doing the can-can?" Zelda asked. " Yup. True as the nose on you face." Zelda started giggling, then she became a bit louder, then she burst into full force hysteria. Link put his hand over his face. " Zelda, how am I going to live with you? A Guay pecking someone would crack you up." " I'm not that easy to crack up! I just think turkeys doing the can-can is kind of funny!" she put defensively. I just needed something to laugh about". Then Link said, "Oh well. Ganon will be a while getting that bird crud off his head. And he'll be in his laundry room for a while getting the other bird crud off his armor." Zelda started giggling, and then link put his hand over her mouth to prevent her from laughing again. She hit him and she started laughing about it. So link picked her up, took her to the castle fountain, and threw her into it. She continued laughing. " Dang! Will nothing cure this girl of her laughing disease?" she was still laughing. Then link put on a deep voice, and said " ladies and germs! Gentlemen, rather, I give you, Zelda, the world record breaker for the most uncontrollable laughing in one day!" Zelda laughed harder. Link thought; if she keeps this up she's going to explode! He took a piece of muffin he had put in his pocket earlier, and put it in her mouth. She started coughing and swallowed it, and then she finally stopped laughing. What did you do that for, link? She asked, "You were going to explode if you continued laughing" " and since when do you care? I never show you any care when you are about ready to explode." "Yeah, but I always stop myself, or you would have some incredibly different colored walls." Then Link said," I'm going to leave before you die of laughter." And with that he left Hyrule castle.   
He went home and went to sleep. Meanwhile, Saria and Navi were plotting mischief… but I'm not gonna tell you what they are doing… you will find out right about now!  
Link woke up to see two ugly monsters staring at him. "Auhhhhhhhhhhhhhh help! Navi! Saria! Wait a minute…you two are…"then he pulled off their costumes. "Saria and Navi! I should have known." Then he took Saria, lifted her into the air and threw her into the water. Then he took Navi and put her in a bottle full of dust. Navi hated dust. It dulled her light. " Achoo! Achoo! Link! Achoo! Ill achoo get achoo you! Achoo!" Saria had gotten out of the water and then she pushed link into the water and he fell in. " there, mister hero of time. One glass of water coming right up just for you, Link. Would you like that extra large to go?" Then Link got out of the water, went into his house, and got some colored dye. While saria was sleeping, he dyed her hair orange (her hair was green naturally), and then decided to go use some blue on Zelda. He snuck past the guards, up to her room, and he dyed her hair blue. That stuff could come out, but only he knew where the ingredient that let it was. When Zelda woke up, she went to the mirror to brush her hair, she screamed. Then link popped out from behind the corner and said, "Hi Pretty princess. Why so blue?" " That's not funny, link. My beautiful blonde hair is ruined forever." And then she started to cry. Then link said," I have a ingredient that gets rid of hair dye, but it's really hard to find, and I only have a little…" Zelda said, "ill take it! Whatever price you want! I don't want blue hair!" he said, " the price is, you have to let me live at the castle with you. With my own room." "Done" she said. She got a room ready for link as link went down stairs to get breakfast. He ate some applejacks and toast, a glass of milk, and a glass of orange juice. Then Zelda came downstairs. "It is done. I have a room ready for you. Link followed her upstairs. He saw his room, and he couldn't believe his eyes. The room was green, all and completely green. Even the carpeting was green. "Are you happy? Now put that stuff on my hair or whatever you have to do to get that blue dye out of there. And you personally because I did your room all by myself." So he put the stuff in her hair and rinsed it out. "There he said. All beautiful blonde again. But your hair did look pretty cool blue." 'It did? She asked. I thought it looked dreadful." " Girls" link muttered not quite quiet enough. " Always fussing about their hair." " Oh really? Then take this!" then she mussed up his hair. " Hey! Watch the hair." Then she got out her mousse and sprayed him all over with it. Hey! HEY! STOP IT! Watch the hair." And then she said, "okay. I'll stop. NEVER! " And she sprayed him with hair mousse. Then he got out the hair dye to show her he had done it, and sprayed it at her. So she tackled him and stole the dye and dyed his hair blue. "Hey! I liked having blonde hair! This is okay to, though… because there's some hair dye removal in my pocket…look, Zelda! A wolfos! And when she wasn't looking he picked her up and threw her in the water. "That's the second time I've had to do that in 24 hours, and I must admit to enjoying it" link said. " I'm gonna get you sooo bad, Link…umm… what's your last name?" "I dunno… don't have one, I guess." "DON'T HAVE A LAST NAME?! WHAT KIND OF MUTANY IS THAT? THERE COULD BE A MILLION PEOPLE IN HYRULE THAT LOOK EXACTLY LIKE YOU WITH THE EXACT SAME NAME, AND WE WOULDN'T KNOW WHO WAS WHO!" " Zelda, what are the odds? I have blue hair, now." "Link, I don't think ill ever understand you. You are just way too weird." "Thanks Zelda, I like you too" Link said sarcastically. "I bet you're even nicer on bad days, especially when your hair is dyed blue." "But you got the blue out of my hair already." "And I'm putting it back in!" He sprayed her with the hair dye. Then he successfully tackled her and put some orange in her hair. "LINK! YOU ARE ALREADY DEAD AND BURRIED! SO I WOULD GET THIS HAIR CRUD OUT OF MY HAIR IF YOU WANT TO LIVE ANOTHER DAY WITHOUT PAIN AND SUFFERING!" okay princess, no need to yell at poor little ol' me for a harmless joke." "Harmless?! Tell THAT to my hair!" and she hit him as hard as she could and started kicking him. It didn't hurt Link because the princess was a little weak. Then Link said, "Okay, no need for you to get violent. Man, you should go to one of those anger management classes before you actually hurt someone." And he got the stuff out of her hair. "Good, now don't do that again." Zelda was pretty tired of this business, so she said, "Link, im going to bed. Get the stuff out of you're hair before I go nuts." "Okay, pretty princess. Whatever you say. If that's what you're heart desires, it is my duty to fulfill it." Link said. "I am you're humble knight, after all." "Link, don't act so phony. It really doesn't go with you're blue hair. So go get the blue out. There is a shower in you're room. It is through the big green door." Zelda said. "There are a lot of big green doors in that room, so how am I supposed to find this specific door?" link said. "It says, THE BIG GREEN DOOR on it, so it's not that hard to find." Zelda emphasized. "Okay I'm going" link said. Link took a shower and cleaned his clothes, got dressed, then headed downstairs for lunch. He was amazed to find that Malon, Saria, (still had orange hair) Navi and princess Ruto (she had a BIG crush on link, as we all know) were there. Then Ruto said, "Come here, Linky winky, and give me a kissy poo!" (Ruto always acted this way, so it was perfectly normal for him to…) "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" …Run away screaming.) Link ran up to his room. "Whew! I nearly got assaulted! That was a MASSIVE violation of my personal space." Link said. "Glad to here it, kid" a mysterious voice said. Link turned around. "NABOOROO?" "That's my name, now stop catching flies and come here…" she said with a sickeningly sweet voice. " ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" link ran downstairs. "Okay! He said. The jig is up! I've had it made! You finally found me! Now tell me, is this revenge from the hair dye, or some evil plot against me?" "Well, I haven't had my fun yet." Malon said. "What? Who else do you have here? Princess Ruto almost murdered me, Nabooroo was scary, and I don't even want to know what you guys are planning." 'I don't think you want to know, but a couple of words might do…MAKEUP AND MANICURES!" (Again, this is one of those things Link would… "Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh! Help me!" …Run away screaming from. Man, if he keeps interrupting, I might have to teach him a lesson.) Then they caught Link, tied him to a chair, and Zelda and Malon left for a minute. They returned with three guards following them. They were all carrying some kind of cases, and they set them down. "Okay, Saria, Nabooroo and Ruto, you guys can take the guards and get yours, but I have to find some kind of spell to make sure link can't get away." "Okay Zelda, here we go. I hope we didn't bring too much." Ruto said. "Nah, link could hold as much on him as we can put on him. So I hope you brought all of yours" what are they talking about? Link thought. I hope I live to be older than my current age. No matter how strong a guy can get, girls will always rule the world. If I told Zelda that, she might let me go. They came down with even more large trunks (by the way, link doesn't know they are going to put makeup on him. Lets surprise him.) "What…what are you going to do to me? Please don't kill me, I really would like to live" "oh Link, what we are about to do to you is worse than you can imagine." Suddenly there was a swish of the door and a tall slim figure walked in to the room. "You weren't about to start without me, were you?" "Oh, hi Krystal! I was hoping you would be able to make it! Did you bring your makeup and face paint?" oh no! Link thought. They're going to turn me into a girl! Link, I can read your thoughts, and we are not going to just put makeup on you, we are gonna give you a full body do-over" just then, a shadowy figure dressed in chaps, spurs, and a cowboy hat walked in. "howdy! She said with a southern accent. "How ya'll doing?" "Hi Sarah! Krystal said. Glad to see you! Did you bring the clothes?" "Yup, and the horse out back needs some lemonade." " There is some in the kitchen. Would you like pink lemonade, regular lemonade, blue raspberry lemonade, or punch?" "Blue raspberry? I've never heard of that. I think we'll both try that."" Ok help your self but first where are those clothes?" "Oh here they are," she said as she handed the clothes to Krystal. "Thanks. Now then, what should we put on him? Silk or brocade?" "Try the silk and velvet on, it accents his eyes." Krystal said to Sarah as she sipped her blue raspberry lemonade. "What color? Ya'll have about 500 dresses made uh' brocade and silk, so who is gonna dress 'im? 'Cause ya'll can see he ain't got no petticoats to wear, and if 'is skirt flies up, that'd be mighty embarrassing, not that a guy cross-dressing ain't." "That's true," Zelda said. " Hey, Malon, got any lace petticoats?" "Well yeah, she paused. But I just got it yesterday…" she protested. "Malon, let us use it and I'll but you 20 new ones, with embroidery made of silk or whatever you want." "That works for me!" the ranch girl exclaimed and handed the petticoat to Zelda in quick haste. "Thanks! She said. This really helps a lot Malon!" Zelda said. "Please, noooo!" link said as the girls pounced on him with the lace petticoat and the velvet and brocade dress. There was a bunch of smoke and hands flying out of the cartoon dirt cloud, and link was all dressed. He had a pink dress on, pink high heels, nylons, a pink bonnet, and they were about to give him make up. "I look like Bo Peep!" link screamed. " You look like that, and more!" Sarah screamed in delight. " Look... at yourself!" Zelda said between laughs. "You look hysterical!" Malon cackled. But isn't he...adorable?" princess Ruto cooed. " No more than a ground hog run over by a stampede!" Saria said. " Look at yourself link!" Krystal cackled as she held up the mirror. "Aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" link screamed as he fainted. (Jeez, this guy can get pretty touchy 'bout a bit of makeup and clothes. The guy practically wears a dress anyways) link had woken up from his faint just as the author said those words. " Hey! It's a tunic, not some retarded sissy girl's clothes!" (Um, I'm gonna get out of here before the girls loose track of who they're beating up and I get into all the ruckus. Later, much!) The girls in the room heard link talking to the author guy-thing when they heard their clothes being called retarded and sissy! "One minute, start digging, 'cause there are gonna be a dead body here tonight" Krystal said 


End file.
